Intentional Love

There is something about getting counsel from a minister of God, the seriousness and depth of the message is on a different level. Meet Benjamin and Mwende who have been married for five years. They met in bible school but did not like each other on the onset. As days went by, they became best of friends and their friendship grew into the beautiful family they are today. This interview is not only inspirational but also full of wise advice that is beneficial to all regardless of relationship status. Here is what they had to share with us.

What made you decide to spend the rest of your lives together?

~Benjamin: First our friendship and our dedication to loving and serving God. Mwende has such a tenderness and openness towards GOD and the things of God.

~Mwende: Benjamin is a very smart guy and am a sapiosexual. We both complimented each other’s purpose and it was easy to help each other achieve our dreams in life.

~ It is also important to mention that prayer was a great part of our decision-making process. We chose in God and with Him. The last thing which isn’t least in anyway is that we were and are attracted to each other physically and at the soul level.

If you were to describe marriage generally in 3 words what would they be?

~ Commitment

~ Intentionality

~ Service

Based on your experience together, what are the most important requirements for a successful marriage?

~ Consistency. Marriage requires building habits that are going to ensure you stay true to the commitment you made to each other. It’s very easy to fall in love but staying in love requires being intentional on a daily basis.  

~ Forgiveness. This is the glue of any relationship. We are two individuals raised from different backgrounds and that means that we see things differently hence there will always be friction. Unforgivingness brings about bitterness and that is a disaster for you and your partner. Forgiveness causes you to freely love and serve your partner without holding back, it means you understand why Jesus died for them and that they are a product of grace and process of sanctification.

~ Growth. Life is about growth. Growth brings about compatibility. Each individual in a marriage needs to grow in all areas to be able to accommodate the other and the demands for marriage. If one partner is committed to growth and the other isn’t its very easy to lose each other.

~ Serve. Good successful marriages are made of two servants. Remember marriage is a representation of Jesus and the church. Jesus washed His disciple’s feet as a sign of service, and it was His desire that they would emulate Him and serve others. Well marriage is a perfect platform to follow Jesus’ example. You serve not because your partner serves you but from being selfless.

Any major challenges you have overcome together  and what advice can you share from the experience?

We have been through a lot of things together and have overcome so much. From being broke and in debt to a lot of tarnishing on our name to the ridicule from people who didn’t know our family planning process. In all things we choose to embrace grace to overcome, love and forgive radically.

What is the one advice you can give to a soon to be married couple?

Create the marriage that you want according to the word of God. There are a lot of myths in the world concerning marriage but as a couple you are unique let your uniqueness guide you into creating a pattern that will make your marriage thrive.

If you were to advice a single person on matters relationships and dating, what would you tell them?

Being single doesn’t mean you are not complete. Use the single-hood season to build yourself. Discover your purpose and thrive in it. A better wholesome individual makes a better spouse. Don’t wait to be in a relationship to thrive. Be very objective during your dating period. We get into problems and unnecessary hurt because we get distracted with the exciting emotion and forget that dating has a goal to it and that is to find compatibility with the potential person we are dating.

Do you celebrate valentines? If so, what is a typical valentines day for you?

Yes we do. We mostly go out for dinner or make a cosy spot at home and enjoy each other’s company. It could also be random. Last valentine’s day we exchanged gifts and enjoyed a beautiful movie together. Today our focus is on a third member of our family and we will be in a season of prayer and fasting.

Mwende’s and Benjamin interview is a perfect way to end this series. True to my expectations, their input has inspired and positively challenged my view on life, relationships and marriage. The points they have shared are just a tip of the iceberg. For more of this wisdom check out their ministry on YouTube @Merge With The Njathas, on Instagram @Benjamin_njatha and on Facebook @Merge.

From Metienne, we hope the valentine’s series has been useful. A big thanks to all the couples that shared with us, may Go bless and watch over your families!